My Gay Boat Cruise - Post 1 - Or why I needed to stop editing porn for a week.

Hi folks,

I shoot and edit a LOT of porn. A lot, constantly. I cannot even tell you how much porn I have shot, edited, encoded, uploaded, dubbed, sold, etc. And I still have a lot of work to do. I turn the shit out, so to speak.

Maybe you've seen some if it? You can go to www.BigGayApple.com - that's my site. You'll never see my face, I'm always behind the camera. But I put it altogether. It's a labor of love.

I'm sitting at my computer now, drinking coffee and listening to the Smiths. Which is how I usually spend my evenings, even though there are a dozen gay bars and clubs in my neighborhood.

I know it's lame. That's why my New Year's Resolution this year was to get out more and meet new people. I signed up for a gay cruise, with www.Atlantisevents.com

First of all, before the bitterness and cynicism of this blog kicks in, Atlantis, their staff, and Celebrity Cruise line, are all amazing! AMAZING! I could not have been happier with the events, the ship, or the vegan food options. It was a beautiful week of sesame seed encrusted tofu steaks served by a pool side rimming of gay men. What the fuck more does a gay vegan want?

No, dear readers, you see, I wanted to meet more people, which is what I did - and be careful what you ask for. This single gay New Yorker returned home realizing that singleness, is really not that bad. Actually, it's fine, very fine, considering my potential dating options.

Oh, where do I fucking start?

My Gay Boat Cruise - Post 2 - The Gambler

It's late at night, 2 am, I'm sitting in the dining room area of the ship, drinking my coffee and soy milk.

This guy, mid-late 30's starts talking to me. He's not that cute, so I don't really care.

"I was just in the casino", he starts.

"That's nice," I respond with a smile, I always give people the benefit of the doubt, and start off genuine and sweet.

"Yeah, I was up around $500, then I lost about $1,700."

"What?"

"Yeah, I lost 17 hundred tonight."

I looked at him in amazement, and in my best Bea Arthur deadpan said

"You know, the odds are against you."

"Yeah, but..." blah blah blah, then he started telling me some statistic mumbo-jumbo, like HE really knows what to do, how to get even. He just blew 17 hundred, the price of the cruise.

Why would anyone tell a perfect stranger that they lost that much money? Is he bragging to me? Is he bragging that he CAN lose that much money?

He was a loser. Not just your run of the mill "loser", but an actual, certifiable "Loser" who just lost $1,700.

I looked at him straight in the eyes.

"Listen, next time, give me a thousand, and I'll blow you. At least then, you'll have gotten a blow job out of the deal."

He just looked at me, shocked, speechless (which is how I like them.)

"For a grand, I'll even take my time - no teeth."

He had nothing else to say, I picked up my coffee and walked away.

My Gay Boat Cruise - Post 3 - The Californians

On a cruise ship, if you want to eat in the fancy, la-di-fucking-dah dining restaurant, you have to sit at a big table with a bunch of people you don't know.

And since I was doing this cruise by myself, I had no one else to sit with me.

They put me at a table with a bunch of guys who already knew each other - great - I'm the one man out.

The guys were very nice, and like any gay conversation with 30-40 year olds, the topic quickly turned to real estate. Oh yeah, right after we talked about mortgage interest rates.

Generally, I don't tell people I make porn. As soon as I do, (if they believe me) then that's the only thing that they will talk about. You could have a doctor at the dinner table who saves the lives of children in Africa. People will ignore him and ask me where do I find my models and if I have sex with them?

Anyway, I was going along with the real estate topic, because I didn't want to bring up porn and I already downplayed the vegetarian thing (another bad dinner topic).

They asked me how much was my rent. "I own", ( I said, trying not to sound like, 'I own, fuck you very much'. What? Do I not look like someone who could own their own place? )

"My place could probably rent out for about $1,800/month."

Heads nodded.

"And how many square feet do you have?"

Here we go, I thought.

"Well, it's a decent sized one bedroom, downtown Manhattan, about 500."

The forks dropped on the table. Their mouths were open.

One spoke up, "I have one room that we just re-modeled. That's 500 square feet!"

Then I go into my New York spiel, how we don't really LIVE in our apartments, we LIVE in Manhattan, it's about convenience, not owning a car, blah, blah, blah.

By then it was dessert time. I had fresh peaches with sliced almonds in a sweet strawberry sauce. So simple, so perfect, so vegan.

My Gay Boat Cruise - Post 4 - Debbie Gibson

I'm 35 and one night last week, I found myself getting dressed and ready for a Debbie Gibson concert.

Alright, DEBORAH Gibson. Whatever.

Before I left the cabin room, I looked at myself in the mirror and made a big "L" with my fingers and put it on my forehead.

I guess Tiffany was busy that night, so Debbie Gibson was our headline entertainer.

Debbi was on Broadway recently. I give her credit. She's re-starting her career, it's not easy. I guess, why not start with the gays, right, we're a welcoming bunch.

She's going to be naked in Playboy soon, and the name of her new single is "I'm Naked." Go figure. But, she assured us, she wrote the song long before the Playboy shoot. Again, whatever.

She started with a red sequins dress, and high heels, which were giving her problems, so she took them off. We laughed, and she did the entire number, the entire show, in bare feet. It was a little weird, like take some Applachian Hillbilly and put them in a red dress on a stage, give them a mic.

I know - heels hurt. Suffer. If you want gays to buy your stuff, then you have to walk in our shoes.

Anyway, there was no shortage of middle-aged gay men lining up to buy the single, the CD album, the poster, and Deborah signed them all.

There was one guy I thought was cute, a nice Jewish looking boy from New York, with cute little perky pecs. He and his friends were totally ga-ga over Debbie, kissing her, dancing in the aisles. After that, I couldn't even look at him or his pecs again.

What if we went out on a date and then afterwards, went to his place to have sex. Would there be a Debbie Gibson 'Electric Youth' poster on the wall? Above his bed? Would I be able to maintain an erection? Would he have the naked Debbie Gibson Playboy issue stashed under the bed? Would he show it to me? Would I have to see Debbie Gibson's booty and pussy before sucking dick?

Being single is really not that bad.